It took 6 months to make my first friend

When I first moved to Punta Cana, it took me a good 6 months before I could say I had a real friend. 

Moving abroad on your own has to be up there with one of the most daunting prospects you could challenge yourself with. You can compare it with early-age explorers setting sail to discover the new world, leaving behind the comfort of home to forge a new life thousands of miles away on a Caribbean island. In those first few weeks, it’s menial routines you miss, such as sitting down for dinner and watching TV with your family, going to the gym and watching football (soccer) at the weekend. You never realise how routine your life was until you step out of it. You totally leave that comfort zone behind, that normality is gone and you’re living life solely on your terms now. Want to take a Monday afternoon off and chill at the beach, go ahead! It takes time to adjust to realising that this is your new normal, your new freedom that you might not have realised exists out there. The hamster wheel shackles are off and this isn’t just a dream, it’s a reality. A novelty that I don’t think will ever wear off.

During my first 6 months I was balancing my self-employed remote job as a Graphic Designer with wandering around Los Corales, trying to find some common ground with someone… anyone! Days would pass where I would barely have a conversation, with the highlight of my day coming from a vendor trying to sell me something, purely because he noticed my existence and wanted to speak to me. What makes it so difficult in a place such as Punta Cana, is that you have no idea who’s living here and who’s a tourist, so where do you even start! I would find myself having the same small-talk conversation over and over. It was like a weekly cycle. I would meet some cool people, have some great chats and then before I knew it they were gone and I was back to being alone again. Those situations left me feeling down because it meant I was back to square one, trying to find people. It also didn’t help that I left England after leaving a toxic relationship behind which had mentally drained me and left me feeling somewhat miserable, let’s say. So, purely by being in the DR, was a way for me to get my head straight again after years of turmoil. It also didn’t help during this time as I was struggling with Gastritis which caused me discomfort throughout these early days, altering my eating habits and stopping me from going to the gym. However, on occasion I’d see the same faces to at least say “hello” to, but that’s as far as it went. By my own admission I was probably stuck in my own shell and wasn’t very willing on my part to go out my way to chat with people. I would go to bars such as Kats Corner and Our Republic on my own hoping to strike a conversation up with someone, but when you’re in a place full of groups and couples it feels near enough an impossible task. This would compound and my deflated self-esteem would isolate me even more.

I made my first friend by pure accident. I was in Our Republic on a Tuesday evening watching a local band, stood by the bar trying to not look or feel awkward. These nights were the highlight of my week, they came around so fast because it was all I knew. I was unaware of much else going on so this became my big night out, so to speak. This particular evening it was busy and given my lengthy stature, I was stood in front of a woman much smaller than me blocking her view. Noticing this I did as all British people do, I apologised. This unexpectedly opened up the door of conversation and I came to find out that Becky lived here on and off and was also a fan of The Office. From one Tuesday to another, I would look to meet Becky at the bar because during that week, I would barely have a meaningful conversation with anyone. I was clinging on to those couple of hours a week in the bar like a limpit to a rock! I would later find out from her perspective of the night we met that she was thinking and saying to her other friend “who’s this asshole stood in my personal space?!” which we still laugh about to this day.

Looking back now, I realise you really do have to pluck up the courage, open your mouth and strike up a conversation with that random person. No one is going to help you, you have to find it within you to give yourself a chance of succeeding. In a place like this, everyone has a back-story and more often than not, they’ll love sharing it with you. All it takes is one person to open up a whole new world for you. For me, that was Becky. She knew a lot of people and before I knew it, I was getting introduced to her neighbours at social gatherings and I finally started to feel part of something. This was the start of my journey into getting my foot in the door with the local community. It still took time and effort to meet more people, by chance, so I wasn’t left solely relying on Becky to talk her ears off. If it wasn’t for meeting Becky, I probably would have left the area completely and moved on, maybe to another country or back home to England. Loneliness is tiring and at least I could have said I gave it a go but unfortunately it didn’t work out. I was determined this wasn’t going to be me and I persevered, I stuck it out.

This is one of the reasons why Punta Cana Project started, and why I’m so passionate about building a community. I know exactly how it feels for someone, whether on their own, with a partner or family moving to a new country and not knowing where to start. The isolation is real and I know it can be the deciding factor in your decision to stick it out and stay or give up on your dream and go home. Through the social events I now do with Punta Cana Project, I get to meet people from all over the world every week. I meet people who are in the exact same position I was in, taking them out of isolation and introducing them to a community they didn’t know existed. There’s a sense of magic when you see someone show up for the first time, shy, nervous and on their own, and afterwards, leaving with a smile after exchanging numbers and arranging to meet up with the group again. This feeling is priceless to me, because I know I have impacted the happiness and course of someone's life for the better. One woman told me she had been following my Facebook group for a few months prior to her moving to Punta Cana, and that seeing my videos made her feel more comfortable about making the move.

Yes, moving abroad is undoubtedly overwhelming. The hard part is making the decision to leave your home in the first place, so you need to always remember this…

You’re a long way from home, but you’re not alone.